advice for ectomorphs

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"ectomorph", sometimes "hardgainer", is pseudoscience mumbo jumbo for "insecure person that doesn't eat enough and has started watching athlean-x on youtube". this is your deradicalization pipeline

some background: i was deathly skinny practically my whole life. think 60 kilograms at best (~130 lbs for the strange ape descendants residing across the waters) but with a big ass head, further visually slimming down my frame. forcing myself to eat more didn't really work out for me and i therefore stayed skinny against my wishes which had a severely detrimental effect on my confidence

here's my advice if you are young, have tried to exercise without much success in the "gains department" and are struggling with dysmorphia due to being underweight:

regularly do some kind of cardio to keep the heart healthy, preferably in a group since everything's more fun with other people. you'll need the strong heart muscle for later. the social aspect will additionally motivate you (unless the people there judge you for your physique, in which case you ditch them and find peace in solitude. think ted k in a wooden hut located in a tranquil valley but without the bombing and writing fantasy literature).
make sure you can do some basic calisthenics with good form (some push-ups, squats, maybe core-related stuff like planks, arches and/or russian twists) and irregularly do those exercises. building muscle memory will, again, help you out later
wait until you're old enough for your metabolism to slow down. think late, late 20s. this is the crucial step around which this plan has been designed
order a bunch of junk food daily for a couple of months straight until you're at 90 kilograms. hope you have amassed some heart bucks by now or you're about to go into debt. unlike gym goers, you can't put more weight on the rack, so instead you have to put more weight on yourself by putting food in your mouth at a higher rate. the junk food will make sure you gain that weight fast while also triggering a nice dopamine release each time. you can keep doing calisthenics irregularly if you want, doesn't matter at this point. just don't fuck up your joints too much
go to http://www.startbodyweight.com and do the routine two to three times a week. do a lengthy warm-up. take it real easy and work your way up slowly. don't half-ass anything and, most importantly, don't obsess over progress since that's how you hurt yourself, mentally and physically
know that you're giving it your all and whether you become swole or not is now up to god

in all seriousness: the important thing i want to emphasize is that sometimes things are out of your control. for example, no amount of exercising will change your bone structure. if you're genetically predisposed to having a skinny frame, the only sensible thing to do is accept that you have it. if you're prone to not eating "enough" to bulk up because you're not hungry, then accept that your body is comfortable where it is. more generally, if you have body dysmorphia, especially to a point where it hampers your interactions with other humans, it's likely that there is no point at which you will finally feel good about yourself if all you do to work on yourself is exercise. accept that you are sick and would probably benefit more from therapy than a solid pseudo-planche push-up form, though having the latter probably is a nice bonus

as for me, i'm no longer at the cursed 60 kilograms that have accompanied me until my mid 20s. haven't been in years now. in fact, i'm very slightly overweight according to bmi, though you'd probably not be able to tell by looking at me. interestingly enough, i started gaining weight after my first real pay check rolled in. every single step of the long-con plan you saw above i have personally gone through, minus the cardio, the good form and ted kaczynski, so i took the personal liberty of revising it a little to make it a bit more sensible as personal advice

my frame has not changed much, neither has the size of my head (perhaps it has only gotten bigger), but due to the additional weight and a somewhat decent workout routine, i have slightly nicer shoulders and arms which is cool, though i tend to subconsciously put more weight on my right arm than my left, resulting in the former looking somewhat meatier than the latter - a fact that i presume any person i encounter is able to quickly discern in disgust. squats, lunges and walks have made my legs slightly more muscular and if you took a magnifying glass to them while looking at a 10-year old photo of me for comparison, you would probably be able to tell, too. the shrimp squat progression i'm working on has enabled me to stand up from my mattress on the floor that i sit/lie on for about 16 hours per day a bit faster than before. there are also some abs under the fat layer which you will be able to spot when shining a very bright flashlight at my torso from the right angle. the important thing is that i'm trying, and that's all you can do at the end of the day

if you're not satisfied and are looking for actionable, basic advice: look into nutrition basics and maybe a plant-based whole foods diet. establish a set of staple dishes that you know are healthy and good for you. get a cronometer or myfitnesspal subscription to get a feel for what you need in terms of nutrients and how much you have to eat of each thing to reach your macros. trading nutrients for convenience is fine as long as you're still getting most of them in. slow down your repetitions when you work out. listen to your body and stop when you get the signal that it is time to stop. nausea and dizziness are signs of overexertion. your heart rate is probably approaching 90% of your maximum at this point (220 minus your age). cool down and resume once you feel ready, not when the timer tells you to. let yourself be healed properly by incorporating rest days into your routine and getting enough sleep. learn to love (or at least tolerate) the drudgery of this sisyphean task that is maintaining your body. there will never come a day in your life where you do not benefit from maintaining physical health. freeing yourself of this burden is inherently impossible, so you'll be doing a lot of reps. take the chance to master the exercises. treat it as meditation, something that's good for the soul (which science suggests). if you're in a good spot financially, get a garmin, a fitbit or an apple watch to track your progress and find joy in the right graphs going up slowly but surely (looking at you, vo2max and hrr)

having said all of this, it probably doesn't matter what i write. wisdom, at least in this regard, can only be gained by suffering willingly until you're tired of it and instead start to meditate on the nature of that which you were suffering for in the first place. teenage me probably would have sneered at boomer me before disregarding any sort of advice i could possibly have given, even if it would spare them years of agony. i guess that's just the way things have to be. thankfully (regrettably?) i don't have to be young and dumb ever again

now, if you'll excuse me, i'm late for my nightly loathing session where i stare into the mirror and reflect on the fact that i'm the most horrific ghastly creature to ever walk the plains of the earth

I’m a negative of a person. All I want is blackness, blackness and silence - Sylvia Plath